| This Week's Highlights |
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analysis w/e 14.5.11 |
DVDs out 9.5.11 |
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@ DVDfever Youtube |
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May 11 2011 
DVDfever co uk
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X-Men
is the long-awaited big-screen outing for the Marvel Comic superheroes that have magic
powers and - usually - two names, one real and one flashy.
Plot-wise, it's good against evil and that's about it. Magneto (Ian
McKellen) has a device that's going to turn all of mankind into the
same bad-guy mutants he's got running around for him. It is possible to
have good-guy mutants though and that's where telepathic wheelchair-bound
Professor Charles Xavier (aka X) (Patrick Stewart) comes in with his
special school for 'gifted children', or "Mutant High" as one kid calls it.
Rather than describe the background for every single one of the mob on
display, we only get to see the beginnings for Wolverine (Hugh Jackman,
who looks a little like Ewan McGregor and sounds a lot like Mel Gibson).
That will suffice though because the film feels like it takes so long to get
going before we get any type of action.
Wolverine's ability is to look as unkempt as Liam Gallagher and produce Freddy
Krueger-style razor blades from his knuckles.
First out of the good camp is the only one with a sensible name, Dr. Jean Grey
(Famke Janssen), who undergoes a transformation too and gets to use
the force, Luke. She's been dying to have a go at Xavier's
look-into-the-future-thingummyjig and when she does, it will transform her
life too.
Keeping up the rear are two-eyed Cyclops (James Marsden), presumably so-called
because of his special visor as displayed above, the electrying Storm (or Halle Berry
in a dodgy long, white syrup) - whose qualities extend to whipping up a.. erm.. storm -
and finally Rogue (Anna Paquin), played by the actress who won an Oscar in 1993 for
playing a whining little brat in
The Piano
"It's my way, or the hard way, okay?"
The baddies are fronted by the aforementioned Magneto who has apparently borrowed Jodie Foster's sphere from Contact and uses the magnetic force to alter the DNA of those too close to appreciate it. We see the effect it has on abducted Senator Robert Kelly (Bruce Davison), who has been campaigning against the mutants. At first his life feels enriched, but it won't be long before he's not a well man. Sabretooth (Tyler Mane) is Magneto's right-hand ma.., er.. creature, but looks like a cross between Chewbacca and Bungle from Rainbow. Star Wars chief baddie Darth Maul was portrayed by Ray Park - an actor who charges a ridiculous £15 a time for signatures - and here he plays Toad (not of Toad Hall), who has a tongue that would put Kiss's Gene Vincent to shame. Finally, bottle-blonde model Rebecca Romijn-Stamos portrays the almost-silent shape-shifting Mystique, who has a blue Monday every week.
"I get one line of dialogue, but I CAN do it with feeling!"
Overall, the film leaves you feeling very underwhelmed and certainly not very X-cited. The special effects are nothing particularly adventurous these days and Magneto's brief attempt at turning everyone's brains to mush is as stretching as it gets. For a 12-certificate, there's quite a lot of violence within including multiple stabbings, many by Wolverine thanks to his metal talons. With its comic overtones it gets away with the lower certificate, whereas Freddy routinely received an 18 for his antics, but it's not a film for kids under the certificate's age, despite the cinema's complete lack of bothering to keep them out, as they did for The World is Not Enough and The Matrix. By the end of the film, are we not meant to think that Xavier and Magneto are enemies? It just looks like they've got the same "male-bonding" thing that Tarantino said Maverick and Iceman had in Top Gun :) Either way, X-Men 2 and a further sequel are already on their way, with many of the original cast members signed up for these additional exploits. No doubt they'll coin even more money in than this limp effort, which recently grossed more revenue in its opening weekend than any other non-sequel (or non-prequel) in movie history. Review copyright © Dominic Robinson, 2000.Visit the official X-Men Website
As of April 2009, Blu-rays and DVDs reviewed by the editor are watched on a Panasonic TH-37PX80B 37" Plasma TV with a Sony BDP-1500 Blu-ray player and played through a Yamaha DSP-AX820 amplifier. PC games reviewed by the editor are on:
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