Extras:
Director's Commentary, The Making of the Cottage, What Got Chopped, Outtakes,
Cast and Crew Biogs, Photo Gallery, Trailer, Audio Description, Easter Eggs
Director:
Paul Andrew Williams
Producers:
Ken Marshall and Martin Pope
Writer:
Screenplay:
Paul Andrew Williams
Music:
Laura Rossi
Cast:
David: Andy Serkis
Peter: Reece Shearsmith
Tracey: Jennifer Ellison
Andrew: Steven O'Donnell
The Farmer: Dave Legeno
Chun Yo Fu: Jonathan Chan-Pensley
Old Man: Doug Bradley
Farmer's Daughter #1: Georgia Groome
Farmer's Daughter #2: Eden Groome
Smoking Joe: Johnny Harris
Farmer's Wife: Katy Murphy
Steven: Simon Schatzberger
Daughter #2: Eden Watson
Muk Si San: Logan Wong
Two incompetent brothers kidnap a mobster's daughter and hold her for ransom in a remote cottage, unaware a local psychopath lives close by...
The unexpected follow-up to Paul Andrew Williams' gritty debut London To Brighton,
horror-comedy The Cottage would ordinarily appear first on a fledgling
filmmaker's resume...
A pet project of the Portsmouth-born director, it stars comedian Reece Shearsmith
(usually obscured by make-up playing nutters in League Of Gentlemen) and Andy Serkis
(usually obscured by CGI playing creatures in Peter Jackson movies), as backbiting
brothers Peter and David. Lad's mag favourite Jennifer Ellison plays
Tracey, a foulmouthed mobster's daughter who's kidnapped by the incompetent
brothers and held for ransom...
What begins as a low-budget comedy focused on its titular locale, soon veers off
into Texas Chain Saw Massacre territory, as the kidnapper/kidnapped dynamic
shifts and characters find themselves separated and stumbling into a psycho farmer's
private land.
Local country bumpkin stereotypes are taken to the nth degree, as "The Farmer"
(Dave Legeno) -- resembling a creature from a cut-price zombie movie --
arrives for a second-half full of gore, violence and general craziness.
The shift into clichéd sub-Chain Saw is a shame, particularly as the more
interesting elements of The Cottage are found in its sibling chemistry (Serkis and
Shearmith could have been the Laurel & Hardy of horror with a better script)
and the mob boss background to events (sadly not developed, and forgotten about once
things turn schlocky). Actually, there's a final scene that attempts to tie-up
both halves of The Cottage after the credits -- but, really, unless you know
it's there and have the DVD, who would stay 'till after the credits?
Andy Serkis is the standout, clearly relishing doing something left-field and
home-grown -- the kind of film his Lord Of The Rings director would have
been making in the 80s. He's the irascible straight man, but holds the comedy
and drama together very well in the first-half, before the film chooses to
focus more on dimwit Peter's predicament...
As Peter, Reece Shearsmith basically trots out his League Of Gentlemen tics and
aggrieved bitterness, tending to make Peter a bit too unlikeable and aggravating.
It's a fun performance that sometimes hits the right mark, and contains plenty
of crackerjack energy, but it's slightly too exaggerated and cartoon-y. That
said, the character slots into the bizarre second-half much better.
Jennifer Ellison makes a very strong impression at first -- glaring from behind
a gag, which we soon learn prevented obscenities that will make her Brookside
fans cover their ears. Tracey's a beautiful bundle of bosomy bad attitude,
but the character doesn't develop or grow from this two-dimension, and eventually
sputters out into nothing. And is it just me, or is Ellison looking a bit
bloated and craggy these days? The product of uncomplimentary lighting? Complimentary
airbrushing in the magazines? Or maybe it's the fact her "latest" photoshoots
were taken 5 years ago -- keeping her eternally youthful for the readers of
Nuts and Zoo?
As an attempt to inject some
Shaun Of The Dead-style
knockabout humour into a mishmash of Evil Dead and Texas Chain Saw Massacre,
The Cottage isn't very successful. It just doesn't attack anything particularly
well, or transcend its inspirations. The humour is more attuned to Severance's
dry tone, and while the gore is successfully achieved, there's nothing
imaginative or refreshing about it. It's all been done in countless knock-offs
before this.
Overall, The Cottage is a misogynist horror-comedy that isn't particularly
successful at either. Serkis is very good and Shearsmith has his moments, but
everything else is by-the-numbers gross-outs stuck to a script that throws away
its first-half promise (what happened to those creepy locals, led by Hellraiser's
Doug Bradley?) to regurgitate another inbred maniac stalks hapless strangers
scenario. Disappointing.
DVDs reviewed by the editor are watched on a Panasonic TXW32R4 32" widescreen TV
connected to either a Creative Dxr2 DVD-ROM player or Microsoft Xbox and
played through a Sony STR-DB930 amplifier.
PC games reviewed by the editor are on:
Since Nov 2005: Intel Pentium D 830 3.0Ghz, 1Gb RAM, 128Mb nVidia GeForce 6700XL, Windows XP
Since Aug 2003: Intel Pentium 4 2.66Ghz, 512Mb RAM, 128Mb GeForce4 MX440 graphics, Windows XP
Since May 2003: Intel Pentium 4 2.6Ghz, 512Mb RAM, 128Mb ATI Radeon 9600TX graphics, Windows XP
Since Jun 2002: Intel Pentium III 600Mhz, 384Mb RAM, Windows 98 SE, 64Mb ATI Radeon 8500LE
Since May 2000: Intel Pentium III 600Mhz, 384Mb RAM, Windows 98 SE, Voodoo 3 3000 AGP
